Guilty

Guilty


Your trust.
Your simplicity.
I chipped the diadem of our love.
It's such a suffering.
Mocking glimpses form a barrage.
An ache, deep within.
That is eating away inside me.
It unwinds a kite reel of spider web.
Where I see our promises caught.
Fluttering and gasping.
Breathing like an asthmatic.
Releasing life.
Coughing.
I wish I could tell you.
In simple language.
I am your only binary lover.
So I am to blame if you suffer.
I wonder if you will ever forgive me
If I share this pain with you.


My promises.
My projections.
Now they seem like caricatures
That make expressions to mock me.
An invisible itch drives me crazy.
The clock ticks in the mind.
I have not slept in a long time.
As if time is suspended.
I fight it.
I cannot face the mirror still
‘You have been my Rock of Gibraltar’
Imploding because I have wronged
I’m gathering courage.
The strength to tell you everything.
I will. Yes.
One day when I meet you.
A million strings are now tugging at me.
I wonder if you will save me
When I share this disease with you.



- Sayan Chakravarty
Shillong, January 2008